How to handle rejection

We reject things on a daily basis -- we reject items we don't want, ideas we don't like and opportunities we don't see fit. Rejection is as much a part of our world as is approval. It drives a healthy system of competition and ensures a high standard of quality. But what happens when we as human beings reject each other?

Rejection comes as one of the most brutal stakes to the heart because it deals a direct blow to our ego. The ego is the inherent part of the

self which holds intact our pride, esteem and self-worth. When the ego is bruised, a core element of our being is damaged. We often feel reduced to a lesser versions of ourselves. We automatically begin to blame ourselves, assuming there must be something wrong with us and criticizing the behavior that led to our rejection.

Of the many forms of rejection, being denied by a love interest is most agonizing. We are grieved by a deep sense of bitterness and spite, both against the other person and against ourselves. Ironically, though, we feel an inexplicable sense of longing -- a stronger desire towards the rejecter than ever before.  I've seen many become stuck in a cycle of voluntary, unrequited love. The more they were rejected, the more they "wanted" the person rejecting them. They refused to give up. Whether this strange phenomenon stems from a prehistoric gene, or it's that we're slightly masochistic, is difficult to say. What's certain, however, is that rejection can cause cycles of unhealthy emotions and behavior.

The strange chemistries of the universe work thus -- the less you care about a person, the more they care about you. And the more you care about a person, the less they seemingly care about you. It is nothing short or ironic, and sadly, most anyone who's ever been in love can vouch. Understanding the chemistry of rejection begins with acknowledging our undeniable value as human beings. To change our perceived impression of rejection, we must first solidify our self-worth. Bear in mind these truths the next time you feel overwhelmed by rejection.

Don't take it so personally. The only reason we suffer the sting of rejection is because we feel emotionally attached to a person. Had we no emotions towards them, their rejection would mean nothing to us. Rejection becomes a burden we carry entirely on our shoulders -- we blame nobody but ourselves. We truly believe there must be something intrinsically wrong within us to cause a person to dismiss us. Yet oftentimes it has nothing to do with us. A person may be too busy, overburdened, or complicated to want to involve us in their lives. Remember that you never really know what goes on within someone's mind to draw conclusions for him or her.

It really isn't you. When somebody rejects you, they are acting on their own insecurities and fears. Take comfort in knowing that the person who rejects you is dealing with their own personal issues and that you most likely did nothing to cause their decision. Rejection -- especially harsh or cruel rejection -- is a manifestation of self-insufficiencies and a lack of self-tolerance.

It happened for a greater reason. When we feel rejected, we trap ourselves in a moment of doubt and distress. But we must learn to see past the fleeting period of pain and acknowledge that there is a higher purpose to not getting what (or whom) we want. That higher purpose is usually revealed in time. I've had many clients tell me that they felt awful when a love interest turned them away, only to find the perfect partner when they least expected it. When that happened they became grateful that they were rejected, or else they would've never met a new and better person. In retrospect, they laugh at the fits of emotions which rejection invoked. We all discover the greater purpose of our pain in due time.

This is not a new pain. Rejection can be a lifelong ordeal stemming from childhood. For some children who were abandoned by a parent, rejection becomes a recurring challenge to conquer throughout life. They may overreact when they feel turned them down and not know that this is caused by a subconscious memory. Understanding the primary source of rejection and the impact it had on you can help you deal with this unpleasant emotion. Accept that this is not the first or last time you'll feel the ache of rejection, but that you've defeated this emotion before and will emerge stronger from each instance.

They're really missing out. A person who rejects you cannot comprehend your inner and outer beauty. So why be with someone who doesn't see the full spectrum of your wonderful being? The next time you feel rejected, remind yourself of your amazing traits, your positive characteristics and your invaluable qualities which undoubtedly exist but may have been overlooked by someone else.

A chance to evolve. Rejection offers us an opportunity to evolve through and learn from our experiences. It allows us to look within and say, "Okay, maybe I can change this," or "Maybe I can fix that side of myself." After all, there is room for betterment in each of us, and sometimes it takes emotional anguish to be able to demolish the ego and come face to face with our truest self. If there is any constructive way to view rejection, it is through the lens of an earnest effort at self-improvement.

Rejection, as an ego-reducing emotion, is nothing short of painful. But viewing rejection as necessary and even positive will help you overcome it that much more easily. Recognize the hidden elements of this emotion as catalysts for productive change towards a better, stronger, more powerful you.

 Rejection is number one fear among human beings. One of the deepest needs of humans is the need to belong and to be accepted. When you are rejected in one way or another you fail to satisfy this important need.

Some other common needs and wants, such as success, and fears, such as failure, do not appear to be connected to fear of rejection at first glance. However, when you look at them closer you will see that success often can be interpreted as a form of acceptance, and failure as a form of being rejected.

Being rejected in love

One of the hardest areas to be rejected is romantic love. The suffering that comes with this type of rejection is considerably harder than in most other types. Interestingly, many people tend to love and desire those who aren’t as passionate about them. It seems like being rejected or merely fear of being rejected makes us more passionate about what we can’t have, making us suffer even more.

If you need help to get over someone you love click here. Use this self-hypnosis download to help yourself heal faster.

When you first realize you are being rejected, you may be unable to speak and feel physically sick. Physical symptoms and other symptoms such as being unable to sleep, work and concentrate can persist for several weeks. The intensity of negative emotions will gradually fade, although you will definitely continue having good days and bad days. Little by little you will learn to enjoy your life again and will start noticing other available options.

Practical steps on dealing with rejection

While time will cure your pain, here are some practical tips on how to deal with rejection, ease pain and make your recovery period significantly shorter.

• Tell yourself it will go, because it really will. Keep reminding yourself that this is only temporary and you may be even thankful for this experience in the future.
• Engage in physical activities. Play tennis, take a class at local gym. Physical activity forces us to concentrate outside of ourselves and live in the moment. This is the reason why we feel so alive when we are active and this is the reason why exercise can be actually addictive. Unlike other addictions, this one is usually positive and beneficial for you.
• Focus outside yourself. Although it might be harder to do right now, avoid blaming and criticizing yourself. Be your own friend. If you catch yourself analyzing your past or yourself, gently draw attention away to something external.
• Learn something new. Learning a new skill can be challenging and keeps us busy and focused. In addition, learning new skill may help discover new opportunities or meet new people.
• Travel. New places are always fun to explore and just like suggestions above, new places will distract our attention from negative thoughts and add excitement to our lives. 
• Meet new people. This goes without saying. When you meet someone new you want to put your best foot forward and this will force you to pick yourself up. In addition, new people have new exciting stories to tell which helps you stay distracted.
• Use self-hypnosis. Hypnosis helps you access unconscious mind and shape it in ways you never dreamed was possible. If you are suffering from one-sided love download Unrequited Love to help yourself think less of that person and start to feel interested in other activities.
  If you are in a committed relationship and suffer from being rejected by your spouse download Mend Your Broken Heart.

What not to do

While new relationship will definitely help to get over past quicker, it is not a healthy way of dealing with rejection. Not only this might be bad for you, you will be potentially hurting another person’s feeling. Give yourself time. Don’t start a new relationship when you have unfinished emotional business like this.