TECHNOPHILIA: Why Men Cheat

TECHNOPHILIA: Why Men Cheat: The science of cheating is clear on this point: Roughly 3% of all mammals, including humans, practice what is called pair bonding or monog...

Why Men Cheat

The science of cheating is clear on this point: Roughly 3% of all mammals, including humans, practice what is called pair bonding or monogamous mating.  However, even within the 3% of mammals that practice monogamy, very few species, including humans, are truly monogamous.  In fact, when it comes to both men and women, monogamy is not our natural sexual strategy 

To make a long story short, for millions of years, the desire to mate with multiple partners was a useful reproductive strategy.  Men and women, who had multiple partners, likely produced more offspring than people who were faithful to a single mate.  Cheating was a strategy to increase reproductive success and diversify risk.  Or think about it this way: investing in a mutual fund (multiple stocks) is, on average, a better financial strategy than putting all of your resources into a single stock.

Because a multiple partner approach was a better reproductive strategy than monogamy, men and women living today are the descendants of people, who had the desire to have sex with more than one person over the course of their lifespan.  Simply put, we have inherited this trait from our ancestors – it is a part of our human nature.  This does not mean that everyone will cheat on a partner or that people are fully aware of their unconscious sexual desires.  For a more detailed discussion on the nature of cheating,

How are men and women different when it comes to cheating?

While both men and women cheat, there are important sex differences when it comes to cheating.  The sex differences that influence cheating are based on two basic biological differences between men and women

First, men and women differ when it comes to eggs and sperm.  Men can produce hundreds of millions of sperm per day.  By comparison, women are born with a million or so eggs, but only a fraction, roughly one egg released every 28 days over a short period of time - from puberty to menopause - has the potential to create life.  Simply stated, women have about 400 viable eggs to use (and taking into account gestation, only about 20 actual opportunities to reproduce), while men are capable of fathering an unlimited number of children.

The second basic biological difference deals with gestation.  Embryos grow and develop in women, not men.  For men, reproduction can literally take just a few minutes of effort; while for women it involves, at the very least, a nine-month process.

From a biological point of view, men can constantly and quickly engage in reproduction while women are much more limited in their ability to do so 

These biological differences influenced our psychological desires before the invention of modern forms of birth control and still influence our unconscious sexual desires today.  Men are more likely than women to think about sex and fantasize about having sex with multiple partners. 

Given this basic biological difference, here are some key differences between men and women when it comes to cheating:

• Men are more likely than women to cheat with someone who is less attractive than their current partner.  Women cheat up while men are more opportunistic when it comes to cheating.
• Men are more likely than women to have a one-night stand.  Women are more prone to having emotional affairs.
• Men are less likely to consider leaving their partners after cheating.  When women cheat, it tends to be more emotionally involved so they are more likely to consider ending their current relationship.
• Men are more likely than women to repeatedly cheat on a spouse or partner 

TECHNOPHILIA: Why do we fall in love?

TECHNOPHILIA: Why do we fall in love?: Falling in love is a magical experience that happens between two people. So why do people fall in love?  exploring the dynamics of what ...

Why do we fall in love?

Falling in love is a magical experience that happens between two people. So why do people fall in love?  exploring the dynamics of what happens when two people are falling in love:
Q:  What motivates people to seek out love?
A:  Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. We have learned in our research that it is important to feel that you have the ability to be an effective person, especially in our relationships.
Q:  How does this theory of self-expansion explain the process of falling in love?
A:  Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion. The fact that they are attracted to us offers a significant opportunity — when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration!
Q:  Does it always work this way?
A:  No, an interesting exception to this occurs if we feel badly about ourselves. The process gets thrown off if we can't believe that another persons finds us attractive — like the  joke where we don't want to belong to a club that would have us for a member. We tend to miss out on opportunities for falling in love if we don't feel good about ourselves.
Q:  What conditions are best for meeting someone and falling in love?
A:  When you meet someone under conditions that are highly arousing — a political demonstration, turbulence on a plane, a stimulating performance — a time when the body is stirred up and excited, we tend to experience attraction at a heightened level. This effect is well documented but the explanations for it are very controversial. I tend to believe that we come to associate the arousal of the situation with this person and our own self-expansion.
Q:  When do we fall in love?
A:  Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. People only report falling in love quickly about 1/3 to 40 percent of the time. Of course, this varies from culture to culture. Falling in love happens differently between cultures but it does occur in most cultures.
Q:  How does our appearance factor into the equation of falling in love?
A:  This is interesting; we have found that if you are very unattractive, it can hurt you a lot in forming romantic relationships. However, being attractive doesn't help that much.
Q:  How do you explain that?
A:  We have found that two important characteristics, kindness and intelligence, are extremely important in the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.

TECHNOPHILIA: How to handle rejection

TECHNOPHILIA: How to handle rejection: We reject things on a daily basis -- we reject items we don't want, ideas we don't like and opportunities we don't see fit....

How to handle rejection

We reject things on a daily basis -- we reject items we don't want, ideas we don't like and opportunities we don't see fit. Rejection is as much a part of our world as is approval. It drives a healthy system of competition and ensures a high standard of quality. But what happens when we as human beings reject each other?

Rejection comes as one of the most brutal stakes to the heart because it deals a direct blow to our ego. The ego is the inherent part of the

self which holds intact our pride, esteem and self-worth. When the ego is bruised, a core element of our being is damaged. We often feel reduced to a lesser versions of ourselves. We automatically begin to blame ourselves, assuming there must be something wrong with us and criticizing the behavior that led to our rejection.

Of the many forms of rejection, being denied by a love interest is most agonizing. We are grieved by a deep sense of bitterness and spite, both against the other person and against ourselves. Ironically, though, we feel an inexplicable sense of longing -- a stronger desire towards the rejecter than ever before.  I've seen many become stuck in a cycle of voluntary, unrequited love. The more they were rejected, the more they "wanted" the person rejecting them. They refused to give up. Whether this strange phenomenon stems from a prehistoric gene, or it's that we're slightly masochistic, is difficult to say. What's certain, however, is that rejection can cause cycles of unhealthy emotions and behavior.

The strange chemistries of the universe work thus -- the less you care about a person, the more they care about you. And the more you care about a person, the less they seemingly care about you. It is nothing short or ironic, and sadly, most anyone who's ever been in love can vouch. Understanding the chemistry of rejection begins with acknowledging our undeniable value as human beings. To change our perceived impression of rejection, we must first solidify our self-worth. Bear in mind these truths the next time you feel overwhelmed by rejection.

Don't take it so personally. The only reason we suffer the sting of rejection is because we feel emotionally attached to a person. Had we no emotions towards them, their rejection would mean nothing to us. Rejection becomes a burden we carry entirely on our shoulders -- we blame nobody but ourselves. We truly believe there must be something intrinsically wrong within us to cause a person to dismiss us. Yet oftentimes it has nothing to do with us. A person may be too busy, overburdened, or complicated to want to involve us in their lives. Remember that you never really know what goes on within someone's mind to draw conclusions for him or her.

It really isn't you. When somebody rejects you, they are acting on their own insecurities and fears. Take comfort in knowing that the person who rejects you is dealing with their own personal issues and that you most likely did nothing to cause their decision. Rejection -- especially harsh or cruel rejection -- is a manifestation of self-insufficiencies and a lack of self-tolerance.

It happened for a greater reason. When we feel rejected, we trap ourselves in a moment of doubt and distress. But we must learn to see past the fleeting period of pain and acknowledge that there is a higher purpose to not getting what (or whom) we want. That higher purpose is usually revealed in time. I've had many clients tell me that they felt awful when a love interest turned them away, only to find the perfect partner when they least expected it. When that happened they became grateful that they were rejected, or else they would've never met a new and better person. In retrospect, they laugh at the fits of emotions which rejection invoked. We all discover the greater purpose of our pain in due time.

This is not a new pain. Rejection can be a lifelong ordeal stemming from childhood. For some children who were abandoned by a parent, rejection becomes a recurring challenge to conquer throughout life. They may overreact when they feel turned them down and not know that this is caused by a subconscious memory. Understanding the primary source of rejection and the impact it had on you can help you deal with this unpleasant emotion. Accept that this is not the first or last time you'll feel the ache of rejection, but that you've defeated this emotion before and will emerge stronger from each instance.

They're really missing out. A person who rejects you cannot comprehend your inner and outer beauty. So why be with someone who doesn't see the full spectrum of your wonderful being? The next time you feel rejected, remind yourself of your amazing traits, your positive characteristics and your invaluable qualities which undoubtedly exist but may have been overlooked by someone else.

A chance to evolve. Rejection offers us an opportunity to evolve through and learn from our experiences. It allows us to look within and say, "Okay, maybe I can change this," or "Maybe I can fix that side of myself." After all, there is room for betterment in each of us, and sometimes it takes emotional anguish to be able to demolish the ego and come face to face with our truest self. If there is any constructive way to view rejection, it is through the lens of an earnest effort at self-improvement.

Rejection, as an ego-reducing emotion, is nothing short of painful. But viewing rejection as necessary and even positive will help you overcome it that much more easily. Recognize the hidden elements of this emotion as catalysts for productive change towards a better, stronger, more powerful you.

 Rejection is number one fear among human beings. One of the deepest needs of humans is the need to belong and to be accepted. When you are rejected in one way or another you fail to satisfy this important need.

Some other common needs and wants, such as success, and fears, such as failure, do not appear to be connected to fear of rejection at first glance. However, when you look at them closer you will see that success often can be interpreted as a form of acceptance, and failure as a form of being rejected.

Being rejected in love

One of the hardest areas to be rejected is romantic love. The suffering that comes with this type of rejection is considerably harder than in most other types. Interestingly, many people tend to love and desire those who aren’t as passionate about them. It seems like being rejected or merely fear of being rejected makes us more passionate about what we can’t have, making us suffer even more.

If you need help to get over someone you love click here. Use this self-hypnosis download to help yourself heal faster.

When you first realize you are being rejected, you may be unable to speak and feel physically sick. Physical symptoms and other symptoms such as being unable to sleep, work and concentrate can persist for several weeks. The intensity of negative emotions will gradually fade, although you will definitely continue having good days and bad days. Little by little you will learn to enjoy your life again and will start noticing other available options.

Practical steps on dealing with rejection

While time will cure your pain, here are some practical tips on how to deal with rejection, ease pain and make your recovery period significantly shorter.

• Tell yourself it will go, because it really will. Keep reminding yourself that this is only temporary and you may be even thankful for this experience in the future.
• Engage in physical activities. Play tennis, take a class at local gym. Physical activity forces us to concentrate outside of ourselves and live in the moment. This is the reason why we feel so alive when we are active and this is the reason why exercise can be actually addictive. Unlike other addictions, this one is usually positive and beneficial for you.
• Focus outside yourself. Although it might be harder to do right now, avoid blaming and criticizing yourself. Be your own friend. If you catch yourself analyzing your past or yourself, gently draw attention away to something external.
• Learn something new. Learning a new skill can be challenging and keeps us busy and focused. In addition, learning new skill may help discover new opportunities or meet new people.
• Travel. New places are always fun to explore and just like suggestions above, new places will distract our attention from negative thoughts and add excitement to our lives. 
• Meet new people. This goes without saying. When you meet someone new you want to put your best foot forward and this will force you to pick yourself up. In addition, new people have new exciting stories to tell which helps you stay distracted.
• Use self-hypnosis. Hypnosis helps you access unconscious mind and shape it in ways you never dreamed was possible. If you are suffering from one-sided love download Unrequited Love to help yourself think less of that person and start to feel interested in other activities.
  If you are in a committed relationship and suffer from being rejected by your spouse download Mend Your Broken Heart.

What not to do

While new relationship will definitely help to get over past quicker, it is not a healthy way of dealing with rejection. Not only this might be bad for you, you will be potentially hurting another person’s feeling. Give yourself time. Don’t start a new relationship when you have unfinished emotional business like this.

TECHNOPHILIA: Child Custody Mistakes Single Parents Make

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