TECHNOPHILIA: Why Men Cheat

TECHNOPHILIA: Why Men Cheat: The science of cheating is clear on this point: Roughly 3% of all mammals, including humans, practice what is called pair bonding or monog...

Why Men Cheat

The science of cheating is clear on this point: Roughly 3% of all mammals, including humans, practice what is called pair bonding or monogamous mating.  However, even within the 3% of mammals that practice monogamy, very few species, including humans, are truly monogamous.  In fact, when it comes to both men and women, monogamy is not our natural sexual strategy 

To make a long story short, for millions of years, the desire to mate with multiple partners was a useful reproductive strategy.  Men and women, who had multiple partners, likely produced more offspring than people who were faithful to a single mate.  Cheating was a strategy to increase reproductive success and diversify risk.  Or think about it this way: investing in a mutual fund (multiple stocks) is, on average, a better financial strategy than putting all of your resources into a single stock.

Because a multiple partner approach was a better reproductive strategy than monogamy, men and women living today are the descendants of people, who had the desire to have sex with more than one person over the course of their lifespan.  Simply put, we have inherited this trait from our ancestors – it is a part of our human nature.  This does not mean that everyone will cheat on a partner or that people are fully aware of their unconscious sexual desires.  For a more detailed discussion on the nature of cheating,

How are men and women different when it comes to cheating?

While both men and women cheat, there are important sex differences when it comes to cheating.  The sex differences that influence cheating are based on two basic biological differences between men and women

First, men and women differ when it comes to eggs and sperm.  Men can produce hundreds of millions of sperm per day.  By comparison, women are born with a million or so eggs, but only a fraction, roughly one egg released every 28 days over a short period of time - from puberty to menopause - has the potential to create life.  Simply stated, women have about 400 viable eggs to use (and taking into account gestation, only about 20 actual opportunities to reproduce), while men are capable of fathering an unlimited number of children.

The second basic biological difference deals with gestation.  Embryos grow and develop in women, not men.  For men, reproduction can literally take just a few minutes of effort; while for women it involves, at the very least, a nine-month process.

From a biological point of view, men can constantly and quickly engage in reproduction while women are much more limited in their ability to do so 

These biological differences influenced our psychological desires before the invention of modern forms of birth control and still influence our unconscious sexual desires today.  Men are more likely than women to think about sex and fantasize about having sex with multiple partners. 

Given this basic biological difference, here are some key differences between men and women when it comes to cheating:

• Men are more likely than women to cheat with someone who is less attractive than their current partner.  Women cheat up while men are more opportunistic when it comes to cheating.
• Men are more likely than women to have a one-night stand.  Women are more prone to having emotional affairs.
• Men are less likely to consider leaving their partners after cheating.  When women cheat, it tends to be more emotionally involved so they are more likely to consider ending their current relationship.
• Men are more likely than women to repeatedly cheat on a spouse or partner 

TECHNOPHILIA: Why do we fall in love?

TECHNOPHILIA: Why do we fall in love?: Falling in love is a magical experience that happens between two people. So why do people fall in love?  exploring the dynamics of what ...

Why do we fall in love?

Falling in love is a magical experience that happens between two people. So why do people fall in love?  exploring the dynamics of what happens when two people are falling in love:
Q:  What motivates people to seek out love?
A:  Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. We have learned in our research that it is important to feel that you have the ability to be an effective person, especially in our relationships.
Q:  How does this theory of self-expansion explain the process of falling in love?
A:  Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion. The fact that they are attracted to us offers a significant opportunity — when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration!
Q:  Does it always work this way?
A:  No, an interesting exception to this occurs if we feel badly about ourselves. The process gets thrown off if we can't believe that another persons finds us attractive — like the  joke where we don't want to belong to a club that would have us for a member. We tend to miss out on opportunities for falling in love if we don't feel good about ourselves.
Q:  What conditions are best for meeting someone and falling in love?
A:  When you meet someone under conditions that are highly arousing — a political demonstration, turbulence on a plane, a stimulating performance — a time when the body is stirred up and excited, we tend to experience attraction at a heightened level. This effect is well documented but the explanations for it are very controversial. I tend to believe that we come to associate the arousal of the situation with this person and our own self-expansion.
Q:  When do we fall in love?
A:  Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. People only report falling in love quickly about 1/3 to 40 percent of the time. Of course, this varies from culture to culture. Falling in love happens differently between cultures but it does occur in most cultures.
Q:  How does our appearance factor into the equation of falling in love?
A:  This is interesting; we have found that if you are very unattractive, it can hurt you a lot in forming romantic relationships. However, being attractive doesn't help that much.
Q:  How do you explain that?
A:  We have found that two important characteristics, kindness and intelligence, are extremely important in the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.

TECHNOPHILIA: How to handle rejection

TECHNOPHILIA: How to handle rejection: We reject things on a daily basis -- we reject items we don't want, ideas we don't like and opportunities we don't see fit....

How to handle rejection

We reject things on a daily basis -- we reject items we don't want, ideas we don't like and opportunities we don't see fit. Rejection is as much a part of our world as is approval. It drives a healthy system of competition and ensures a high standard of quality. But what happens when we as human beings reject each other?

Rejection comes as one of the most brutal stakes to the heart because it deals a direct blow to our ego. The ego is the inherent part of the

self which holds intact our pride, esteem and self-worth. When the ego is bruised, a core element of our being is damaged. We often feel reduced to a lesser versions of ourselves. We automatically begin to blame ourselves, assuming there must be something wrong with us and criticizing the behavior that led to our rejection.

Of the many forms of rejection, being denied by a love interest is most agonizing. We are grieved by a deep sense of bitterness and spite, both against the other person and against ourselves. Ironically, though, we feel an inexplicable sense of longing -- a stronger desire towards the rejecter than ever before.  I've seen many become stuck in a cycle of voluntary, unrequited love. The more they were rejected, the more they "wanted" the person rejecting them. They refused to give up. Whether this strange phenomenon stems from a prehistoric gene, or it's that we're slightly masochistic, is difficult to say. What's certain, however, is that rejection can cause cycles of unhealthy emotions and behavior.

The strange chemistries of the universe work thus -- the less you care about a person, the more they care about you. And the more you care about a person, the less they seemingly care about you. It is nothing short or ironic, and sadly, most anyone who's ever been in love can vouch. Understanding the chemistry of rejection begins with acknowledging our undeniable value as human beings. To change our perceived impression of rejection, we must first solidify our self-worth. Bear in mind these truths the next time you feel overwhelmed by rejection.

Don't take it so personally. The only reason we suffer the sting of rejection is because we feel emotionally attached to a person. Had we no emotions towards them, their rejection would mean nothing to us. Rejection becomes a burden we carry entirely on our shoulders -- we blame nobody but ourselves. We truly believe there must be something intrinsically wrong within us to cause a person to dismiss us. Yet oftentimes it has nothing to do with us. A person may be too busy, overburdened, or complicated to want to involve us in their lives. Remember that you never really know what goes on within someone's mind to draw conclusions for him or her.

It really isn't you. When somebody rejects you, they are acting on their own insecurities and fears. Take comfort in knowing that the person who rejects you is dealing with their own personal issues and that you most likely did nothing to cause their decision. Rejection -- especially harsh or cruel rejection -- is a manifestation of self-insufficiencies and a lack of self-tolerance.

It happened for a greater reason. When we feel rejected, we trap ourselves in a moment of doubt and distress. But we must learn to see past the fleeting period of pain and acknowledge that there is a higher purpose to not getting what (or whom) we want. That higher purpose is usually revealed in time. I've had many clients tell me that they felt awful when a love interest turned them away, only to find the perfect partner when they least expected it. When that happened they became grateful that they were rejected, or else they would've never met a new and better person. In retrospect, they laugh at the fits of emotions which rejection invoked. We all discover the greater purpose of our pain in due time.

This is not a new pain. Rejection can be a lifelong ordeal stemming from childhood. For some children who were abandoned by a parent, rejection becomes a recurring challenge to conquer throughout life. They may overreact when they feel turned them down and not know that this is caused by a subconscious memory. Understanding the primary source of rejection and the impact it had on you can help you deal with this unpleasant emotion. Accept that this is not the first or last time you'll feel the ache of rejection, but that you've defeated this emotion before and will emerge stronger from each instance.

They're really missing out. A person who rejects you cannot comprehend your inner and outer beauty. So why be with someone who doesn't see the full spectrum of your wonderful being? The next time you feel rejected, remind yourself of your amazing traits, your positive characteristics and your invaluable qualities which undoubtedly exist but may have been overlooked by someone else.

A chance to evolve. Rejection offers us an opportunity to evolve through and learn from our experiences. It allows us to look within and say, "Okay, maybe I can change this," or "Maybe I can fix that side of myself." After all, there is room for betterment in each of us, and sometimes it takes emotional anguish to be able to demolish the ego and come face to face with our truest self. If there is any constructive way to view rejection, it is through the lens of an earnest effort at self-improvement.

Rejection, as an ego-reducing emotion, is nothing short of painful. But viewing rejection as necessary and even positive will help you overcome it that much more easily. Recognize the hidden elements of this emotion as catalysts for productive change towards a better, stronger, more powerful you.

 Rejection is number one fear among human beings. One of the deepest needs of humans is the need to belong and to be accepted. When you are rejected in one way or another you fail to satisfy this important need.

Some other common needs and wants, such as success, and fears, such as failure, do not appear to be connected to fear of rejection at first glance. However, when you look at them closer you will see that success often can be interpreted as a form of acceptance, and failure as a form of being rejected.

Being rejected in love

One of the hardest areas to be rejected is romantic love. The suffering that comes with this type of rejection is considerably harder than in most other types. Interestingly, many people tend to love and desire those who aren’t as passionate about them. It seems like being rejected or merely fear of being rejected makes us more passionate about what we can’t have, making us suffer even more.

If you need help to get over someone you love click here. Use this self-hypnosis download to help yourself heal faster.

When you first realize you are being rejected, you may be unable to speak and feel physically sick. Physical symptoms and other symptoms such as being unable to sleep, work and concentrate can persist for several weeks. The intensity of negative emotions will gradually fade, although you will definitely continue having good days and bad days. Little by little you will learn to enjoy your life again and will start noticing other available options.

Practical steps on dealing with rejection

While time will cure your pain, here are some practical tips on how to deal with rejection, ease pain and make your recovery period significantly shorter.

• Tell yourself it will go, because it really will. Keep reminding yourself that this is only temporary and you may be even thankful for this experience in the future.
• Engage in physical activities. Play tennis, take a class at local gym. Physical activity forces us to concentrate outside of ourselves and live in the moment. This is the reason why we feel so alive when we are active and this is the reason why exercise can be actually addictive. Unlike other addictions, this one is usually positive and beneficial for you.
• Focus outside yourself. Although it might be harder to do right now, avoid blaming and criticizing yourself. Be your own friend. If you catch yourself analyzing your past or yourself, gently draw attention away to something external.
• Learn something new. Learning a new skill can be challenging and keeps us busy and focused. In addition, learning new skill may help discover new opportunities or meet new people.
• Travel. New places are always fun to explore and just like suggestions above, new places will distract our attention from negative thoughts and add excitement to our lives. 
• Meet new people. This goes without saying. When you meet someone new you want to put your best foot forward and this will force you to pick yourself up. In addition, new people have new exciting stories to tell which helps you stay distracted.
• Use self-hypnosis. Hypnosis helps you access unconscious mind and shape it in ways you never dreamed was possible. If you are suffering from one-sided love download Unrequited Love to help yourself think less of that person and start to feel interested in other activities.
  If you are in a committed relationship and suffer from being rejected by your spouse download Mend Your Broken Heart.

What not to do

While new relationship will definitely help to get over past quicker, it is not a healthy way of dealing with rejection. Not only this might be bad for you, you will be potentially hurting another person’s feeling. Give yourself time. Don’t start a new relationship when you have unfinished emotional business like this.

TECHNOPHILIA: Child Custody Mistakes Single Parents Make

TECHNOPHILIA: Child Custody Mistakes Single Parents Make: Going to court to fight for child custody is an emotional time. And many single parents make mistakes simply because they're uncertai...

Child Custody Mistakes Single Parents Make

Going to court to fight for child custody is an emotional time. And many single parents make mistakes simply because they're uncertain about what to do, and they're easily swayed by friends and family members who mean well, but who have little or no experience with the courts. Here are 6 of the most common child custody mistakes parents make, along with tips about how to avoid them:

1.  Showing Your Hand

One of the most dangerous mistakes you can make is letting your ex know what you plan to do or say in court. Be careful who you speak with about your case, socially, as well. You never know who might carry information back to you ex, thinking that they can help you resolve things out of court -- when all they're really doing is weakening your case. The person you want to strategize with is your lawyer.

2.  Making Your Child Custody Case About How Your Ex Failed You

There may be some parallels between being an inattentive, negligent partner and being a sub-par parent. But the moment you try to make that case in court, you present yourself to the judge as someone who is bitter and angry -- and who may not be willing to collaborate with your ex at all. In some situations, the courts will use this concern as a reason to grant custody to the other parent: the exact opposite of what you were going for in the first place.

3.  Letting Your Emotions Drive Your Decisions

It's natural that your emotions are high at this point, but you have to exercise restraint and stop yourself from letting those emotions drive your decisions. This happens quite often when family members get involved and start nagging at you to go for more parenting time or more child support. Don't let pressure from others cause you to make choices you could regret -- like turning a reasonably amicable situation into a nasty, contentious child custody battle. To avoid this, always consult with your lawyer before changing course and asking for more.

4.  Attempting to Speak for Your Children

Similarly, making your case about how much the children need you can also backfire. From the court's perspective, your children need both of you, and any attempt to suggest that your children need you or want you more than your ex could put you in a negative light. If you believe your children do wish to speak for themselves in court, consult with your lawyer ahead of time about the child custody laws in your state. Generally, the courts are willing to hear from children ages 13 and older, but specific rules and criteria vary by state.

5.  Taking a Passive Approach to the Entire Experience

Even when you hire an excellent lawyer

, one with an outstanding track record for helping clients win custody, you should never sit passively by and put the outcome of your case entirely in someone else's hands. It's up to you to do the research about your state, your county, and even the judge assigned to your case. Work just as hard as you would if you were representing yourself in court, pro se. Finding out up front that the court strongly favors joint physical custody, for example, can help guide discussions with your lawyer and ensure that you have no regrets about your case later. Likewise, make sure that all of your paperwork is turned in on time and that you're present at every hearing. Demonstrating your determination in this way can have a powerful impact!

TECHNOPHILIA: Would a cell phone work on a submerged submarine?

TECHNOPHILIA: Would a cell phone work on a submerged submarine?: Cell phone signals use very high frequency radio waves around 800 or 1900 megahertz . They travel in a straight line, are extremely sus...

Would a cell phone work on a submerged submarine?

Cell phone signals use very high frequency radio waves around 800 or 1900 megahertz . They travel in a straight line, are extremely susceptible to interference and break apart as soon as they encounter salty seawater.

Even above the ocean's surface, a submarine would need to be pretty close to shore because cell phones rely on a network of base stations, or cell phone towers, to transmit signals. In theory, a cell phone might be able to communicate with a tower as far as 45 miles (72 kilometers) away, but a signal at this distance would be far from reliable; a range of just a few miles is more typical.

Submarines must stay submerged at a depth of about 200 to 330 feet (60 to 100 meters) in order to avoid detection. For decades, submerged submarines have communicated only through extremely low frequency (ELF) or very low frequency (VLF) radio waves because signals in these very low ranges (300 hertz to 30 kilohertz) are able to travel long distances and penetrate seawater .

But ELF and VLF have extremely limited bandwidth, with data transfer rates ranging from a few hundred bits per second to as low as a few bits per minute. To get reception, submarines must tow large antenna cables and reduce their speed underwater.

In recent years, the U.S. Navy has explored new technologies, such as small communication buoys that can be launched to the surface to establish a connection with military satellites and quantum key distribution, which seeks to use the principles of quantum mechanics to communicate securely with submerged subs .

TECHNOPHILIA: Why Does the Date of Easter Change Every Year?

TECHNOPHILIA: Why Does the Date of Easter Change Every Year?: Why does the date of Easter change every year? Have you ever wondered why Easter Sunday can fall anywhere between March 22 and April 25...

Why Does the Date of Easter Change Every Year?

Why does the date of Easter change every year?

Have you ever wondered why Easter Sunday can fall anywhere between March 22 and April 25? And why do Eastern Orthodox churches celebrate Easter on a different day than Western churches? These are all good questions with answers that require a bit of explanation. In fact, there are as many misunderstandings about the calculation of Easter dates, as there are reasons for the confusion.
What follows is an attempt to clear up at least some of the confusion.

The Short Answer

At the heart of the matter lies a very simple explanation. The early church fathers wished to keep the observance of Easter in correlation to the Jewish Passover. Because the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ happened after the Passover, they wanted Easter to always be celebrated subsequent to the Passover. And, since the Jewish holiday calendar is based on solar and lunar cycles, each feast day is movable, with dates shifting from year to year. Now, from here the explanation grows more complicated.

The Long Answer

Today in Western Christianity, Easter is always celebrated on the Sunday immediately following the Paschal Full Moon date of the year. I had previously, and somewhat erroneously stated, "Easter is always celebrated on the Sunday immediately following the first full moon after the vernal (spring) equinox." This statement was true prior to 325 A.D.; however, over the course of history (beginning in 325 A.D. with the Council of Nicea), the Western Church decided to established a more standardized system for determining the date of Easter.

In actuality, the date of the Paschal Full Moon is determined from historical tables, and has no correspondence to lunar events.
As astronomers were able to approximate the dates of all the full moons in future years, the Western Christian Church used these calculations to establish a table of Ecclesiastical Full Moon dates. These dates would determine the Holy Days on the Ecclesiastical calendar.
Though modified slightly from its original form, by 1583 A.D. the table for determining the Ecclesiastical Full Moon dates was permanently established and has been used ever since to determine the date of Easter. Thus, according to the Ecclesiastical tables, the Paschal Full Moon is the first Ecclesiastical Full Moon date after March 20 (which happened to be the vernal equinox date in 325 A.D.). So, in Western Christianity, Easter is always celebrated on the Sunday immediately following the Paschal Full Moon.
The Paschal Full Moon can vary as much as two days from the date of the actual full moon, with dates ranging from March 21 to April 18. As a result, Easter dates can range from March 22 through April 25 in Western Christianity.

Eastern vs. Western Easter Dates

Historically, Western churches used the Gregorian Calendar to calculate the date of Easter and Eastern Orthodox churches used the Julian Calendar. This was partly why the dates were seldom the same.
Easter and its related holidays do not fall on a fixed date in either the Gregorian or Julian calendars, making them movable holidays. The dates, instead, are based on a lunar calendar very similar to the Hebrew Calendar.
While some Eastern Orthodox Churches not only maintain the date of Easter based on the Julian Calendar which was in use during the First Ecumenical Council of Nicea in 325 A.D., they also use the actual, astronomical full moon and the actual vernal equinox as observed along the meridian of Jerusalem. This complicates the matter, due to the inaccuracy of the Julian calendar, and the 13 days that have accrued since A.D. 325. This means, in order to stay in line with the originally established (325 A.D.) vernal equinox, Orthodox Easter cannot be celebrated before April 3 (present day Gregorian calendar), which was March 21 in A.D. 325.
Additionally, in keeping with the rule established by the First Ecumenical Council of Nicea, the Eastern Orthodox Church adhered to the tradition that Easter must always fall after the Jewish Passover, since the resurrection of Christ happened after the celebration of Passover. Eventually the Orthodox Church came up with an alternative to calculating Easter based on the Gregorian calendar and Passover, and developed a 19-year cycle, as opposed to the Western Church 84-year cycle.
Since the days of early church history, determining the precise date of Easter has been a matter for continued argument. For one, the followers of Christ neglected to record the exact date of Jesus' resurrection. From then on the matter grew increasingly complex.

TECHNOPHILIA: TECHNOPHILIA: RADAR COMMUNICATION

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TECHNOPHILIA: Rules Of Dating

TECHNOPHILIA: Rules Of Dating: Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the...

Rules Of Dating

Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.
The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country and over time. The most common idea is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they are compatible by going out together in public as a couple who may or may not yet be having sexual relations. This period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement or marriage.


He asks, he OR she pays. The one traditional dating "do" that still stands is the general belief men are supposed to make the first move. However, 41% of women would offer to pick up the check on a first date. You hear that guys? If you ask us out for dinner,we might just foot the bill. Sounds like a win-win to us.
  All it takes is 15 minutes to determine if you have chemistry. Thirty-one percent of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide. Worried your next date will bail if he's not into you? Don't, because Match.com found only 12 percent of singles would actually leave before the night was over.
  Honesty is (still) the best policy. Not enjoying your time out with what's his name? Tell him. The survey found 52 percent of singles think it's best to politely tell your date if you're not interested - and we agree. Neither party gets anything out of being dishonest and you never know when you'll run into him or her again later in life. Remember: manners matter.
  Don't go all the way on the first date. Eighty percent of singles agree that you shouldn't have sex on the first date. Holding out on your date builds mystery, and if your date can get it all in one night, they're less motivated to call back for round two.
  It's OK to follow-up - it's just a matter of when. Forty-eight percent of women like to follow up after a first date within 24 hours where as 68 percent of men like to "play it cool" and extend the follow-up to almost three days after your date.
  Classic phone communication is best. In this digital era, there are hundreds of ways to follw up on a date: text, e-mail, instant message, etc. But surprisingly enough, the survey found 80 percent of singles prefer to talk over the phone.
  Yes, you can Facebook-friend your date.  ust not too quickly. Ah, the social media dilemma that plagues all singles. As far as friend requesting your date goes, 21 percent of young singles say it's OK to request a friend after 2-3 dates while 11 percent of older singles wait until the relationship is exclusive to do so. These low percentages mean keeping your add-friend trigger finger under control while in the early phase of dating.
  Introduce your new man/woman to your friends. Sometimes your friends get a bad rap when it comes to dating, but 50 percent of men and 35 percent of women will introduce their dates to their friends within the first month of dating, regardless of how old they are.

Unspoken Rules Of Dating

 

 Your standards shift based on how attracted you are to someone. Much as we would all like to think that a date's looks don't matter, they do (to an extent). Specifically, you'll put up with more frustrating behavior from someone you are attracted to -- physcially and otherwise -- than someone you are not.
 Dating success often comes down to dumb luck. As one user wrote: "A lot of people look at dating as a science, with calculations, and facts and figures. It's not science, the probability of finding someone that is right for you bottles down a lot to luck and timing." Timing really is everything.
 Everybody "plays games," whether it's getting into a power struggle when the check comes or waiting to admit your feelings until the other person does first.
Dating will always suck at some point. Whether or not you're happy being single, the process of dating is stressful and things rarely work out immediately , it's more than likely that you'll encounter at least one of the following situations during the span of your dating life:

Falling hard for someone who doesn't notice you, meeting someone wonderful who you click instantly with who is already taken, having someone lead you on only to use you for sex or attention with no intention of progressing the relationship the way you'd want to, investing in someone only to find out they're a total asshole, having to reject someone who is a good person because there is no feelings on your part, being cheated on or getting dumped because your [partner] found someone they like better etc.

 Race matters, particularly when online dating. it has shown that a user's race and the race of the people they are messaging affect the likelihood that he or she will receive a response.they found that, compared to users of other races, black women write back most frequently and white men get the highest number of responses when they send messages.
 Nobody is completely themselves on a first date. While it's always best to be honest with a potential new partner, everyone has certain cards that they play close to the chest. Furthermore, being true to yourself doesn't mean putting absolutely everything out there right away. As one user wrote, "You can be honest without giving a full 411 on every personal flaw you have. Being honest doesn't mean reenacting your life story to everyone you meet."

Menopause Symptoms Treatment

Many women pay close attention to their gynecological health during their younger years and start to ignore it after menopause. Your wellness plan after menopause should include at minimum annual visits to a health care professional.
The Menopause Transition

As your body transitions into menopause (a process that typically lasts about five years) you may notice some physical and emotional changes. The most common include:

• irregular menstrual periods
• hot flashes
• vaginal dryness
• urinary tract infections or painful urination
• stress incontinence
• night sweats
• insomnia
• headaches
• heart palpitations
• forgetfulness
• mood changes
• anxiety and irritability
• diminished concentration

1. Hot flashes:

This experience is caused by your body's attempt to stimulate your ovaries with less and less success. The pituitary gland in your brain increases the amount of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinizing hormone (LH) aimed at the ovaries. Falling estrogen levels and the increase in FSH and LH levels disturb your body's internal temperature. The result: a hot flash.

About 85 out of every 100 women approaching or going through menopause have hot flashes, which may start intermittently in your late 30s or early 40s. Hot flashes may get more intense and more frequent around your last menstrual period and then taper off, usually stopping altogether after two to five years. Approximately one in 10 women still have hot flashes 10 years after their last period.

During a hot flash, you may experience a sudden sensation of heat in your face, neck and chest. You may sweat profusely and your pulse may become more rapid. Some women get dizzy or nauseous. A hot flash typically lasts about three to six minutes — which can seem like an eternity. For some women hot flashes are intolerable, occurring at inconvenient moments or at night, disrupting sleep.

There are a variety of strategies for coping with hot flashes, ranging from short-term hormone replacement therapy (estrogen alone or estrogen plus progesterone for no more than three to five years) and other medical options to herbal remedies (see further down in this article), but lifestyle strategies may be the easiest and quickest changes to try first:

• dressing in layers that may be removed if you find you're getting too warm
• sleeping in a cool room
• drinking plenty of water
• avoiding hot foods, like soups, spicy foods, caffeinated foods and beverages, and alcohol, which can trigger hot flashes
• trying to decrease stress
• exercising
• breathing deeply and slowly, if you feel a hot flash starting; rhythmic breathing may help to "turn down" the heat of a hot flash or prevent it from starting altogether

2. Insomnia: Sleep often is a casualty of menopause, whether it is interrupted by hot flashes (called night sweats when they occur at night) or difficulty falling asleep. Hormonal ups and downs are partly responsible. As you age, your sleep patterns may change. Older people may sleep less, awaken earlier and go to sleep sooner or later than they did at younger ages.

Lifestyle changes for coping with insomnia:

• sleep in a cool room to help relieve hot flashes that may be disturbing your sleep
• exercise regularly
• set and keep a regular routine and hour for going to sleep
• a glass of warm milk but no other food right before bedtime
• no alcoholic beverages or smoking before going to sleep
• don't watch TV in bed
• practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing
• review any medications you are taking to see if they may cause sleeplessness

3. Mood swings: For reasons still not well understood, declining and fluctuating estrogen levels during the transition to menopause, can cause emotional highs and lows and irritability. Lack of sleep due to night sweats may also contribute to feeling irritable and depressed. Though your periods are coming to an end, you may continue to experience the symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). In fact, emotional symptoms may become worse for a time for some women as they approach menopause. You may also notice that you've lost interest in sex. Declining estrogen and testosterone levels in women at this time may lower your sex drive.

Lifestyle strategies for coping with mood swings:

• try relaxation exercises such as meditation or massage which can be calming and reduce irritability
• discuss your symptoms with your partner and what may be causing them; try new and different approaches to intimacy
• make physical activity part of your schedule; exercise can improve mood and make you feel better about yourself

4. Vaginal dryness and frequent urinary tract infections: Estrogen, a natural hormone produced by the body, helps to keep the vagina lubricated and supple. Following menopause, as estrogen levels decline, the vagina becomes drier and the vaginal wall becomes thinner. Sex may become painful. The wall of the urethra becomes thinner, too, as estrogen levels fall, and increases the chance of more frequent urinary tract infections. Urine leakage may become a problem as muscle support for the bladder and urethra weakens.

Strategies for coping with vaginal dryness and frequent urinary infections:

• consider using vaginal creams or gels (prescription or nonprescription) to help with vaginal dryness during different times of your cycle or regularly vaginal estrogen is available as creams, rings, or tablets if moisturizers and lubricants are not enough. These are prescription medications.
• drink plenty of water to help your body stay hydrated
• use moisturizing lotions
• exercise to maintain muscle tone

practice Kegel techniques

to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that support your bladder and urethra to help limit urine leakage. Kegel exercises help firm up the vaginal canal, control urine flow, and enhance orgasm. The exercise is a matter of tightening and relaxing the muscles you use to stop urination. Do at least five Kegels in a row several times a day:

Tighten a little — count to five.

Tighten a little more — count to five.

As hard as possible — count to five.

• Relax in reverse steps, counting to five at each step.

5. Heart palpitations: Some women in their late 40s are frightened by their hearts pounding in their chests for no apparent reason. This symptom, called a heart palpitation, is caused by the heart beating irregularly or by missing one or two beats. Though this symptom can be associated with several types of serious heart-related conditions, it is also common during the transition to menopause, and typically is not related to heart disease. For example, a woman's heart rate can increase eight to 16 beats during a hot flash, according to the North American Menopause Society.

If you think you are experiencing heart palpitations:

• consult with a health care professional immediately if you have any of these symptoms that could indicate a heart-related problem: shortness of breath; pounding or irregular heartbeat; dizziness; nausea; pain in the neck, jaw, arm or chest that comes and goes; or tightness in the chest
• ask your health care professional to rule out conditions that may cause heart palpitations, such as thyroid disorders
• ask your health care professional what options are appropriate for relieving heart palpitations such as decreasing caffeine and whether medications are needed

6. Forgetfulness and/or difficulty concentrating: During early menopause, many women are troubled to find they have difficulty remembering things, experience mental blocks or have trouble concentrating. Not getting enough sleep or having sleep disrupted can contribute to memory and concentration problems. Stress associated with major life changes — such as children leaving home and caring for aging parents — can also interfere with sleep. More research is needed, experts say, to determine the cause of these symptoms during the transition to menopause. However, though they can be upsetting, memory-related issues at this time in your life rarely are associated with serious medical conditions such as Alzheimer's disease.

Strategies for coping with memory problems and lack of concentration:

• recognize that these symptoms may be caused by menopausal changes in your body and don't put pressure on yourself to rely on past strategies for remembering things; develop daily reminder lists or messages to help get you through periods of forgetfulness
• practice stress-reduction techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, yoga and meditation and try to be physically active on a regular basis

Some women go through menopause with little to no discomfort. If you find you need relief for uncomfortable symptoms and the strategies you've tried don't help, ask your health care professional about medical options. There are a variety of medical strategies used to relieve different symptoms. A few are described below:

Oral contraceptives:

Oral contraceptives can help ease symptoms associated with early menopause, including irregular periods and mood swings, among others. Typically, oral contraceptives are recommended to women who are still having periods. For many women in their 40s, oral contraceptives provide the added benefit of preventing pregnancy. Still, taking oral contraceptives close to menopause can make it difficult to determine when you have stopped menstruating. Women who smoke, have high blood pressure, diabetes, a history of gall bladder disease or blood clotting disorders should not use oral contraceptives. Discuss your health history with your health care professional and ask for guidance on this treatment option.

A recent study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found no increased risk of breast cancer with oral contraceptives in women 40 and older. New types of contraceptives are now available including lower doses, shorter placebo weeks, and both a contraceptive patch and a contraceptive vaginal ring.

If you're considering taking hormones to manage menopausal symptoms, be aware that the doses of estrogen and progestogen typically taken to manage menopausal symptoms are not adequate to provide protection against an unwanted pregnancy. A woman who is still fertile must use contraceptives containing higher levels of hormones or use additional birth control methods in addition to hormone replacement.

Antidepressant medication: Lower doses of several medications used to treat depression and anxiety have been found effective in relieving hot flashes in as many as 70 percent of women. These drugs include venlafaxine (Effexor), fluoxetine (Prozac) and paroxetine (Paxil) and are available in tablet form.

Cardiovascular medication: The blood pressure drugs Catapres and Aldomet taken in lower doses than are used to treat high blood pressure may also relieve hot flashes in some women. They are typically prescribed in tablet form or as skin patches.

Side effects are possible with these medications. Ask your health care professional for more information, if you consider using one of these medical strategies for hot flashes.

Hormone Therapy (HRT)

Once thought safe for the long-term prevention of osteoporosis and heart disease as well as for the short-term relief of menopausal symptoms such as hot flashes, the safety of HRT for both short-term and long-term use is now under intense study by the federal government.

Hormone therapy comes in two forms: estrogen and a synthetic form of the hormone progesterone (progestin) combined, or HRT, and estrogen replacement therapy, or ERT, when estrogen alone is prescribed. Hormone therapy is typically given to women who have not had hysterectomies because estrogen is known to increase the risk of uterine cancer. Postmenopausal hormone therapy is available in a variety of applications: pills, creams, skin patches, vaginal ring and injections.

Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced that it would require a new, highlighted (boxed) warning on all estrogen products for use by postmenopausal women. The so-called "black box" is the strongest step the FDA can take to warn consumers of the potential risks of a medication. The warning highlights the increased risk for heart disease, heart attacks, stroke and breast cancer from supplemental estrogen. This warning came on the heels of three major studies published in July 2002 which showed significant health risks in connection with the long-term use of both forms of hormone therapy, estrogen-progestin therapy and estrogen alone.

Experts offer these guidelines to help understand these recent findings on hormone therapy:

• Women who take hormone therapy to prevent osteoporosis should discuss their personal risks for heart disease and breast cancer with their health care professional. Alternative treatments and preventive medications for osteoporosis are available.
• If you are currently using hormone therapy, talk with your health care professional first before stopping your medication; if you are using hormone therapy to relieve menopausal symptoms, stopping the medication abrupting could make your symptoms worse. How you taper off your medication will depend on what type of therapy you are using. Conditions such as elevated cholesterol and low bone density may return to pre-HRT levels and require intervention.
• Ask your health care professional about alternatives to HRT for specific medical conditions and overall health. In the summer of 2003, a new lower dose version of a combination estrogen and progestin drug for postmenopausal women (medroxyprogesterone, sold as Prempro) is expected to become available. Bear in mind, too, that a recent major federal clinical trial, part of the Women's Health Initiative, recently concluded that, contrary to popular belief, estrogen and progestin, are effective for short-term relief from hot flashes and night sweats, but nothing else. They have no significant impact on general health, or quality of life factors, such as energy, mental health, symptoms of depression, or sexual satisfaction.
• If you are considering "natural" supplements as an alternative, it is also important to keep in mind that studies related to their effectiveness are sparse and that the FDA doesn't oversee the production of supplements, nor does it require manufacturers to prove their products are effective, as it does with prescription or over-the-counter medications.

Alternatives to hormone therapy for cardiovascular health

Lifestyle strategies for cardiovascular health may include exercise, not smoking, avoiding excess weight and limiting salt and alcohol. For example, a balanced diet rich in antioxidant vitamins with fish two to three times a week may also be prescribed. Several different classes of safe, effective medications designed to lower elevated blood cholesterol and low stroke risk are also available. Drug treatment may be recommended together with lifestyle changes such as a diet low in saturated fat to lower cholesterol levels.

Twenty-five percent of all American women have blood cholesterol levels high enough to pose a serious risk for coronary heart disease, according to the American Heart Association. When to begin drug therapy typically depends on your risk factors for high cholesterol.

Testosterone: This hormone, an androgen, appears to play an important role in women's bodies. Often thought of incorrectly as exclusively a male sex hormone, testosterone is secreted by the ovaries and is therefore natural to the female body. Surgical menopause (removal of the ovaries) may have a negative effect on sex drive. Testosterone therapy is sometimes prescribed to help. Taking the correct dose is very important. Too much testosterone may not provide the desired improvement in sex drive, and can make the woman feel agitated, overly aggressive, and/or depressed. Higher doses can cause masculinizing side effects (that may not go away after stopping therapy) such as facial and body hair growth, acne, an enlarged clitoris, a lowered voice and muscle weight gain. Testosterone may also be associated with adverse heart-related conditions, such as increased risk for atherosclerosis.

Since the safety of taking testosterone for extended periods of time has not been established, women should be very cautious when considering this type of hormone treatment.

Alternatives to Hormone Therapy for Osteoporosis Prevention

Among the lifestyle changes that have been shown to improve bone density in young women and prevent fractures in older women are dietary calcium, avoiding smoking and excessive alcohol consumption. Prescription drugs used to treat and/or prevent osteoporosis include:

• Alendronate (Fosamax): approved by the FDA to treat and prevent osteoporosis, Fosamax (from the bisphosphonate class of drugs) has been shown to increase bone mass and reduce the risk of spine, hip, wrist, and other fractures in women with osteoporosis.
• Risedronate (Actonel): approved by the FDA to prevent and treat osteoporosis, Actonel (another type of bisphosphonate drug) has been shown to increase bone mass and decrease the risk of spine, hip and other fractures.
• Calcitonin (Miacalcin): approved by the FDA to treat women who are five years postmenopausal and cannot tolerate estrogen therapy, calcitonin helps maintain bone mass.
• Selective Estrogen-Receptor Modulators (SERMS). This class of drugs, including raloxifene (Evista) appears to prevent bone loss at the spine, hip and total body. One of the drugs in this class, raloxifene (Evista) has been shown to reduce the chance of spinal fracture by half in women with osteoporosis.
• Teriparatide (Forteo). This new drug, approved by the FDA in November 2002, is the first medication to actually stimulate bone formation instead of just slowing the breakdown of bone. You take it as a once-a-day shot.

Not all women should take these drugs and each medication has side effects. Ask your health care professional for more information.

Herbal Remedies

Some women report that vitamin and herbal supplements are helpful in managing menopausal symptoms. For instance, phytoestrogens — naturally occurring compounds in certain plants, herbs and seeds — are similar in chemical structure to estrogen and/produce estrogen-like effects.

Soy products like tofu, tempeh, soy milk, soy burgers and roasted soy nuts contain phytoestrogen. These are healthy foods that are excellent sources of protein and calcium that can be added to your diet. Good scientific research is limited on the effects of soy on menopausal symptoms and ideal doses for specific symptoms have not been established. Research on effectiveness of soy products on hot flashes is mixed. Some research suggests that a serving of soy foods eaten daily may help relieve hot flashes.

Some women report vitamin E helpful in reducing hot flashes. However, there is limited scientific evidence to support its use. There is also no scientific evidence to support the effectiveness of evening primrose oil, flaxseed oil and dong quai root although some women report improvements n reducing menopausal symptoms.